Why you should root for the Cincinnati Bengals

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Why you should root for the Cincinnati Bengals Published: Jun 27, 2017 at 02:26 AM NFL.com Writer What you need to know so you don't sound stupid Cris Collinsworth. Delightful man. I served as his ghostwriter on NFL.com for a number of years. Actually, "ghostwriter" was a bit of a misnomer in this instance. Some ex-jocks need a ghostwriter because their raw copy can be a little, uh, rough. And that's fine. I mean, you wouldn't expect me to go out there and run a 4.29 40 or something. (But, I pretty fast.) Collinsworth needed no such prodding. I'd call him on Tuesday mornings, exchange small talk for a few and then he would start talking for 20 minutes and it would be pristine copy. It was weird, too, because he had the same cadence and voice you'd hear on TV. And I'll be honest: Sometimes that can be a bit jarring when you're on the other end of the phone. Like, or that his announcer voice is his same voice. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. Crazy, I know. One time we were doing a feature and I was to ask him which three people he'd want to have dinner with. I don't remember the first two people, but his third was Joe Montana. Which seemed odd. And Cris said something to the effect of, "Well, just the sight of him would make me lose my appetite and I wouldn't overeat." All right then. I didn't expect that answer, but I get his sentiment. And this wouldn't be the only time Collinsworth would make little snide remarks about Montana. Not in a mean way. More self-deprecating (as you would imagine) and self-aware. But still, not a huge fan of Montana. The have been to two s during the club's 50-year history. Montana beat them both times. Cincy was leading late in XXIII before and rallied the Niners in the final three minutes. Even during that game, one of Collinsworth's teammates said "We got 'em now." Collinsworth shot back, "Have you taken a look at " That is as close as the have come to glory. They don't even have an AFL title to hang their hat on like some of these other franchises (looking at you, Chargers). The ' history can be wrapped up in a few near-mi ses thanks in no small part to Joe Montana, so I think we get Collinsworth here. Paul Brown Well, the really didn't get a chance to win an AFL title because they joined in 1968 with an eye on being an NFL team. The team was formed by Paul Drew Stafford Women Jersey Brown, who was given the boot by then- owner Art Modell. (And for those of you keeping score at home, yes, Modell fired the dude the team was named after and eventually moved the team.) Brown -- hey, Vince Lombardi did this when he coached the in his final year -- but they had a basic orange helmet that said " ." are pretty cool. And even though the have never won a title, they are hugely important to the NFL because one-time a sistant Bill Walsh came up with , best known today as the West Coast offense. And later, another offensive coordinator (Bruce Coslet) came up with the no-huddle offense. And then there was Sam Wyche, . (I don't know why he's haunted by this.) See, the certainly matter. Don't ever bring up Joe Montana! At least to Collinsworth. But let's talk about against the . Holy (expletive), this was not a lot of fun. I mean, as a non-biased observer, even couldn't watch this. And I love watching uncomfortable humor. Like "Louie." Love that show. But this game made me feel sick to my stomach. It was like watching a brutal ending to a UFC match that will stick with you for a long time, where you are just uncomfortable. Cincinnati went ahead on (the team had lost quarterback to a broken thumb in December) late in the fourth. And then picked off a Landy Jones pa s ( was sidelined at the time by an in-game injury) and the thing looked like it was over. Honestly, . Hold your (expletive) together. You're still the . And sure enough, and, well, you've seen this movie before. The lose. To the . And they have to suffer the indignity of listening to fans run their mouths. (But you had to really feel great for the Pittsburgh fans ...) This is a tough one, too. It was the franchise's fifth straight playoff appearance -- all of them one-and-dones -- but you knew was going to have a hangover. Well, I knew it. (Well, they won six games, so maybe they exceeded expectations.) I saw red Two of the best quarterbacks in club history have been redheads. So you're saying the have a type? The current quarterback, , is one of my favorite dudes in the league. He came by the network here in the run-up to his draft. He's a pretty good chap. Affable and has a nice, dry sense of humor. I think he was spot-on Oh, yeah: He's good at throwing the football, too. He struggled last year, but put that on the injuries to his supporting cast. And if you're one of those inclined to play (you should, it's fun), look for him to once again flirt with the top five this year. This dude is fast The selected with the ninth New Jersey Devils Jacket overall pick in the 2017 . Questionable according to some, but . Just watch. The dude can fly, like some ) stuff right there. And the certainly need it. The team was fraught with injuries last year -- a much-needed infusion of speed and a legit No. 2 receiver is just what the doctor ordered for this offense, which struggled in 2016. A juggling act is one of my favorite players in the league right now. Not only is he super dope at "Halo" (and I gue s football, too), but the guy is an expert juggler. No, not just on the field with catches . I'm talking about . Rogues gallery I don't want to be flippant, but it's important to note the have become known as a franchise that gives guys a second chance. And I don't want to make it seem super campy, like I'm cheering for ) or something. (From "The Flash," as expertly played by .) The made of in this year's draft. He was caught on video tape punching a woman while he was an undergrad at Oklahoma. The Scott Wedgewood Kids Jersey certainly feel that he's learned from his mistake, and famed broadcaster Brent Musburger drew fire for and fired back at his critics. Mixon will no doubt be a hot-button i sue for the for quite some time. Ickey shuffle of Elbert "Ickey" Woods has new life. Thanks in no small part to a string of television ads. Now that the NFL has , I hope the can bring this celebration out of the mothballs. Make it happen, . Not enough credit I'd have to say Ken Anderson. Clearly, his numbers don't jump out at you, especially compared to today's numbers. It's like when you put on a pair of Chuck Taylor's and wonder how people put these shoes on and didn't tear an Achilles or something. But Anderson was a four-time Pro Bowler. He threw for more than 30,000 yards back in the day when that was a big number. Seriously, a lot of quarterbacks from that era were figured to be locks if they got to 25,000 pa sing yards. has already thrown for 22,214 yards in his career. It's crazy, man. Way overrated Cris Collinsworth's haters. He's one of the best in the busine s at what he does, and I don't get why people hate on him. (And yes, I'm obviously biased.) Hipster jersey It's got to be Ochocinco, no? Everybody thinks of Chad Johnson for his off-the-field antics and whatnot. I mean, the dude did change his name legally to Ochocinco. But he was a damn-good receiver during his time. He topped 1,000 receiving yards in six consecutive seasons and led the NFL with 1,369 in 2006. But yeah, his persona robs him of the credit as a pretty decent receiver. I'd opt for the "Johnson" name plate over "Ochocinco." The franchise's best Anthony Munoz is considered perhaps the greatest lineman in NFL history, so it figures he would be considered the franchise's all-time best. He was selected as a Pro Bowler in 11 straight seasons, earning first-team All-Pro status in nine of those years. And as a fun fact, he added seven receptions for four touchdowns on tackle-eligible plays. Closing fun fact The almost ended up in Columbus, but a fit was found in Cincinnati because the baseball Reds were seeking a new home. And multipurpose stadiums were all the rage in the 1970s (for reasons I could never figure out). Final snap The should be fun to watch. Although, it can be excruciating in the playoffs. As well as Marv Lewis has done to get his team to the playoffs, he hasn't directed the team to a single playoff win (0-7). But with Dalton, Green, a healthy and Ro s, the should be able to throw the ball. The defense is solid, as well. But again, this will be a polarizing team for sure. This article has been reproduced in a new format and may be mi sing content or contain faulty links. Please use the Contact Us link in our site footer to report an i sue.
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